FRIENDS

"A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth."
—Charles Darwin

Thanks Chuck, now I'm financially and emotionally worthless.

I've been let down by friends and I've let friends down and as far as I know there isn't a spreadsheet anywhere keeping track of this. It's part of friendships, that ebb and flow. Sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug but your friends are always your friends.

It's hard for me to say if I give my friends the things they need from me because first off: ooh, gross. Like feelings? Seriously? And secondly, I haven't thought about what I needed from friends really ever until this morning so I can't expect they have sat round and probed the depths of their platonic relationship needs either. Becoming a parent helps with this but I'm sure you can gain the perspective as an aunt or uncle or careful observer. I know one way I learned that had nothing to do with being a parent was when I was a soccer coach. What is this thing to be learned? Boys need to spend time around boys their age. Girls need to spend time around girls their age. This is Psychology 101 but you get things from your peer group that you literally can't get anywhere else; not from siblings or parents or coaches.

So if you're feeling like there were things you needed from a friend but you've never asked them specifically then you may be partly to blame for not getting those things. Sex and money and parenting and success and nutrition and Netflix queues make up a marriage so when we come to our friends we just want release and reprieve. The comfortable silence is so fortifying and cozy precisely because no one is going on about what they expect from you every day.

So that's where I am this afternoon. I know next to nothing about any of this scientifically or medically. And I'm just as upset as you that all of this was written and ended up sounded like an ambulance chaser's ad and offered no solutions.

Sucks huh?

Stay alive.

—B